


Pick me up

by queststar



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Believe in Swan Queen (Once Upon a Time), F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, One Shot, Secret Crush, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23512138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queststar/pseuds/queststar
Summary: My girlfriend and I were reading the worst possible pick-up lines and then, this one shot happened.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 38
Kudos: 335





	Pick me up

It’s been a horrible day, Emma sighs. She’s just dropped on one of Granny’s barstools and Ruby, who only took one second to take in the mood, has brought her a beer before she could even place the order.

“Rough day, sheriff?” 

“You know it.” Emma rolls her eyes. “Aside from two Siamese cats wreaking havoc, an escaped dog, and a vanished parakite, Merida practically assaulted Jack for throwing the worst possible pick up line at her.”

Ruby snorts, trying to suppress laughter. Jack - the beanstalk guy - has picked the wrong lass to try one out. “What’d he say to her?”

Emma’s mouth twitches, because despite everything, it’s rather funny. She reaches for her beer. “You’re not going to believe it, but he said: ‘Is your name Ariel? Cause we Mermaid for each other’.” 

Ruby bursts out in laughter as Emma continues, after taking a sip: “So Merida, after punching him in the nuts, gave him a very clear explanation which might’ve entailed some shoving, about how even though she’s a redhead, she and Ariel are nothing alike and that he should do his research because she sure as hell isn’t going to roll over for a prince any time soon.” 

She laughs at the memory but rubs her jaw. “When I was trying to break them apart, she punched me in the jaw as well. It doesn’t show yet, but it probably will soon. And _after_ that, Grumpy, never turning down a good fistfight, dove in, which caused Merida’s brothers to jump in, and if it hadn’t been for Lily, it would’ve escalated even further.” 

“What’d Lily do?” Ruby curiously asks. 

Emma shrugs and grins. “She turned into a dragon and scorched the air above us. Everyone was severely impressed and the fighting stopped immediately. I’ve taken Merida to the station to cool off, but she’s out again. She’s promised me to think before she hits, but I’m sure it’s not going to be the last time.” 

Her smile falters. And then, a sigh. Emma shakes her head. “I mean, _why_ would _anyone_ use these kinds of lines? Have they _ever_ worked on someone? I can’t believe that some people still think they might try their luck with these super-cheesy pick-up lines. They were already old decades ago.”

Ruby grins. “Well, I think some of them are funny. The good ones always make me laugh, especially if it’s one I don’t know yet. And if it’s the right guy - or girl - they might get lucky.” 

She winks and Emma is intrigued. She lifts the bottle of beer again and before taking a gulp, she says: “What are the best ones you’ve heard?”

Ruby’s eyes shine. She slowly speaks, in her best seductive voice: “Are you the moons? Because baby, I'm howling at you.” 

Emma chokes on her beer and it sprays out through her nose. Ruby laughs at her and offers her some napkins to clean herself up. 

“My god, Ruby. Tell me at least if that one got lucky,” Emma hiccups with laughter while cleaning her face.

“Oh, she did, all right.” Ruby hums contently. “She made me laugh. And I _did_ make her howl in the end,” she winks. Emma snickers behind the napkins.

“Have more?”  
  
Ruby shrugs. “Well, I have to agree with you, most of them are horrible. ‘Are you a parking ticket? Cause you've got fine written all over you!’ I mean, honestly?” She shakes her head in disbelief and Emma smirks. 

The she-wolf has more. “‘Aside from being drop-dead gorgeous, what do you do for a living?’ And they asked me right here, in this diner. I mean, duh,” Ruby continues dramatically rolling her eyes. “Or: ‘You owe me a drink. Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.’ Again,” she adds, jerking a thumb towards herself, “work in the bar. No freebies for you, mister.” She shrugs.

Emma shakes her head. “You won’t believe the ones I’ve heard while working as a bail bonds person. ‘Do you believe in love at first sight—or should I walk by again?’ Or: ‘Remember me? Oh, that's right, I've only met you in my dreams.’”

They laugh together, and Ruby tilts her head, narrows her eyes for a second before she says: “Just to brighten up your day, have a little fun - I dare you to use a cheesy pick-up line to whoever walks through that door. I’ll cut you some slack when it’s Merida,” she winks.

Emma glares at her, thinks for a bit while fingering her beer. Why not? She knows most regulars anyway.

The bell above the door tingles and Emma turns - and freezes. Her eyes flash between the woman who’s just entered the door and Ruby, who can’t help but laugh and the wolf’s eyes challenge her to continue. But Emma’s never one to back out of a challenge and when the woman leans in a bit further, ordering a strong coffee, Emma blurts out: “You must be a magician. Because any time I look at you, everyone else disappears.”

The silence that follows is a painful one and Emma is cringing herself, face flushed, while she hears Ruby choking with laughter. The she-wolf has turned her back to the pair to prepare the order, and the brunette stares at Emma, horrified, before she collects herself.

“Well, Miss Swan. That’s close to the worst pick-up line I’ve ever heard.” 

Emma's shoulders slump in embarrassment. “I know,” she mutters, “but I needed to think quickly and I couldn’t think of another one.” She clenches her jaw and smiles apologetically. “I’m sorry, Regina, it was just a stupid dare.” 

It figures, Emma thinks unhappily, that Regina’s the one who’d enter Granny’s - it’s just her luck. She’s always had some sort of crush on the mayor and she’s always tried to suppress her feelings because Regina has not once indicated any interest in her or any other woman in general.

“Hm.” Regina slips on the barstool next to Emma, which makes the blonde slightly uncomfortable. Her stomach makes backflips and her heart flutters every time the brunette is this close. Regina does that to her, every time they see each other. However, this time it’s just painfully awkward. Her eyes flick over her swiftly because she doesn't completely trust her right now, but she swallows thickly. The pick-up line still lingers heavily in the air between them.

“It’s my fault,” Ruby smirks, knowing about Emma’s crush and stepping in to save her, while casually pinking away a tear of laughter. “We were talking about the worst possible pick-up lines and I told her to use one on the first person entering the door. You won.” 

“Hm. Apparently, I did,” Regina says slowly, watching Emma’s face intently until the blonde starts to shift on her barstool uncomfortably. 

“There must be something wrong with my eyes, because I can't take them off you.” Regina slowly says and Emma gasps for breath, heart pounding in her throat. Her eyes flick from Regina to Ruby, who’s equally surprised and raises her hands, indicating that she’s not getting in between, before she stalks off to Mulan, who’s just entered the establishment and takes place in the last booth.

“W-what?” Emma stammers. 

Regina smirks while reaching for her coffee. “Well. I’ve heard my shares of pick-me-ups as well. Thought I’d share the… _fun_ ,” she purrs. Her voice does things to Emma’s belly. She’s flushed, flustered, and doesn’t know where to look.

“Oh, but don’t back out now, Emma,” Regina says with a low, husky tone and it creates goosebumps all over her body. Emma bites the inside of her cheek to get herself under control, while feverishly thinking of a comeback.

The air is changing, it’s electric and puts a weight of wanting on her shoulders. Her eyes wander over Regina’s face, admiring the fine features, and she tries not to notice how the brunette’s eyes darken slightly. Emma says hoarsely: “If you were words on a page, you'd be the fine print.”

Regina’s lips curl into a half-smirk. She looks like a predator, ready to eat her up. Being this close elevates Emma’s crush to a whole new level and her insides make continuous backflips - it almost makes Emma nauseous. And she desperately hopes that this torture will come to an end soon.

But all Regina says is: “Cute.” The mayor places her elbows at the bar and leans her head on her hands, while she intensely looks at Emma. “Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?”

Despite her shallow breath and instantly flushed cheeks, Emma has to grin and she’s relieved that a little of the tension fades. “I believe I can think of-”

“Ah ah, Miss Swan. Pick-up lines, only.”

Damnit. “Unfair,” she mutters under her breath. Regina hears it and laughs softly - another sound that turns her legs into jelly. Emma’s eyes flick at Ruby momentarily, who watches them in amusement and when she catches Emma’s glance, she raises her hands, telling her wordlessly she’s not going to interfere. Traitor.

“Regina… you must be exhausted. You've been running through my mind all day.”

Regina’s eyebrows shoot up, her eyes are growing darker by the second and her eyes wander over the blonde’s figure hungrily. The air is heavy with electricity. Emma gulps and involuntarily crosses her legs, Regina notices and smirks. 

“I can help you with that,” she purrs, nodding to her legs, “I have fingers.” She wiggles them, before leaning a little backward as if she needs the air as well. Despite her own sexual frustration, Emma notices how Regina’s breath is accelerating as well. It makes her own chest grow even tighter, making it even more different to breathe.

Emma didn’t know she could flush even more, but she does. “Witch,” she all but whines, “You cast a spell on me.” She's out of breath and wants - no, needs this to stop.

And apparently, she’s not the only one. “Hmm,” Regina muses, cheeks pink as well and bringing her face closer to Emma’s. “It seems I’ve lost my address,” she all but whispers, her breath causing goosebumps all over Emma's body, “Shall I stay at yours?”

“Oh god, yes please,” Emma cries out. Regina bites her lower lip, smirks, grabs Emma’s arms, and moments later, they’re enveloped into a purple smoke and two bar stools are left empty. 

Ruby, who’s watched how it unfolded at the end of the bar, gloats.

“What was that all about?” Mulan asks Ruby.

“Pick-up lines,” Ruby answers with a content smirk. It’s about time the savior and the queen hit it off. She’ll claim her victory later -- after, all she _did_ smell the mayor on the front porch moments before she challenged Emma. 

"Hm," Mulan frowns. “Do they ever work?”

Ruby studies the warrior with her head slightly tilted, and lips curl into a knowing smile. "Sometimes," she says, leaning in a little closer. "Want to do a little dare?”


End file.
